"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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