One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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