Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
