I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's rum buckets o'clock
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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