roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
