Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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