My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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