I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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