she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
