Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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