her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
