So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Still dying that you shit outside
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize