Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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