You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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