how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize