SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
