roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
