Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
