I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
