but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
