please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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