you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
