The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
where am i from again
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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