Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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