he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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