By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
only you would photoshop your dick
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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