Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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