i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
