I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
