So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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