i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Randomize