i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
