PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
