i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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