the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
