Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize