So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
