She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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