Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
