Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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