i barfeds in our rink
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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