spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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