I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
why is half of my head shaved?
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