i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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