i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
