i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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