i don't plan on having that self control this summer
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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