I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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