I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
