Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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