that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
