1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
