Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize