i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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