Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
