I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize