Non-Jews are for practice
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
