I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i came on her dog
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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