You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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