I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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