Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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