Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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