A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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