well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
