it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
